As I was going home the other day I saw a little kid in a back seat with the parent in the front smoking a cigarette. Seeing that reminded me of how I grew up and my desire for a way out. I was born with a need for heart surgery and even though I had the surgery, I never received any other help for my medical condition. Thus I was always afraid I would die at any second. This made me bound to a life of seclusion and fear. To compound that, I grew up in a single parent house. I never met my father and even though my mom tried to provide for my siblings and I, it was tough. She was an alcoholic and a drug addict whose relationships tormented us all almost weekly. Her boyfriends were always physically, verbally, and emotionally abusive to her and sometimes us. It was very normal for us to have the cops come and remove us or take away the boyfriend in the cop car. Obviously this made for a very unstable life. We moved often due to evictions and most of our lives we lived in one room motels and on occasion the floor of the restaurant that employed her. I don't remember exactly when my conscience kicked in but I do remember my mom asking why our life was always a disaster. I told her it’s because we don’t go to church. Although we never went to church, at an early age I knew God could solve all my issues.
Unfortunately I was young and had no power to change even though I wanted help and wanted a normal life. I vowed to never be like my mother, I eventually found myself following in her footsteps. Around my teenage years, my sister moved out and my brother got involved in gang life. I moved in with my aunt and at a one point my grandmother. I felt all alone and had no friends. I was very popular in school but I felt hopeless and worthless and so eventually I turned to drugs and alcohol. I was easily an addict because it eased the pain and was always afraid the drugs would make my heart worse. I was bound by my sin and misery. Eventually it got so bad that I got real strung out and had an anxiety attack. I had never had an anxiety attack before. The feeling that my world was closing in on me made me realize how quick life can end for anyone. I knew I had to change.
For a little while I lived with my aunt, went to church off and on but religion never changed me. Deep down I knew I needed an experience with God but I didn’t know where to start. I started reading the Bible and prayed off and on but nothing really helped because I didn’t know anything nor did I have anyone to show me truth.
Yet God is merciful and would eventually lead me to truth. One day in high school, my counselor invited me to a presentation about job corp. Since I didn't have a plan for my life, I decided to attend. I was supposed to attend the one in San Marcos but at the last moment it filled up and I was sent to Roswell, New Mexico. There I began the drugs and alcohol, but also began my spiritual journey. I went to every denomination and charismatic church I could find, yet nothing ever happened nor changed me. However, I kept praying for God to show me the way and save me from my sin and agony. After about 2 years of this, I finally began college. A few semesters in I began to hang out with some people who seemed nice and respectable. I thought it would be of my best interest to hang out with people who would influence me in a positive way. One day a Muslim man joined our group and everyone began talking about the Bible. I was intent on listening, thinking I could join in the conversation, but in reality I was still just a helpless sinner. After a few weeks of the bible debates, one of the guys asked me if I was interested in a bible study. Of course I said yes and the next day in the college cafeteria he sat down and began to teach me about baptism. I had been baptized twice before but this time, he was telling me something I’ve never heard before. I was taught that I had to be baptized in Jesus name if I wanted to really be forgiven and have my sins removed from my life. As I said, I had never heard that. It was plain as day because I saw it in the bible. Immediately the conviction of God set in and I knew I wasn't saved. I finally understood why nothing changed in my life, I wasn’t born again according to the scriptures.
After the bible study I went the young mans house and met his father who was the pastor. I told him I wanted to be baptized in Jesus name. After a lengthy discussion he invited me to church the next evening I went and got baptized. It was the most amazing thing I've ever experienced. I felt all my guilt and shame roll off. I finally felt free. The next evening I went to church again because they were in revival, that night God filled me with the Holy Ghost! I never knew anyone could get the Holy Ghost, but I did! I knew I did because I spoke in tongues. That night I was finally born again.
Ever since that night I have endeavored to live for God. I can’t say it’s been easy, but I can say it’s been worth it all! He’s worked out so much guilt and fear from my heart and mind. He’s changed my personality and given me direction and purpose. He’s fully healed my heart literally and spiritually. I feel I am blessed beyond measure! He gave me a life that is free from sin and delivered me from my past and myself. Thank God for all He has done!
Unfortunately I was young and had no power to change even though I wanted help and wanted a normal life. I vowed to never be like my mother, I eventually found myself following in her footsteps. Around my teenage years, my sister moved out and my brother got involved in gang life. I moved in with my aunt and at a one point my grandmother. I felt all alone and had no friends. I was very popular in school but I felt hopeless and worthless and so eventually I turned to drugs and alcohol. I was easily an addict because it eased the pain and was always afraid the drugs would make my heart worse. I was bound by my sin and misery. Eventually it got so bad that I got real strung out and had an anxiety attack. I had never had an anxiety attack before. The feeling that my world was closing in on me made me realize how quick life can end for anyone. I knew I had to change.
For a little while I lived with my aunt, went to church off and on but religion never changed me. Deep down I knew I needed an experience with God but I didn’t know where to start. I started reading the Bible and prayed off and on but nothing really helped because I didn’t know anything nor did I have anyone to show me truth.
Yet God is merciful and would eventually lead me to truth. One day in high school, my counselor invited me to a presentation about job corp. Since I didn't have a plan for my life, I decided to attend. I was supposed to attend the one in San Marcos but at the last moment it filled up and I was sent to Roswell, New Mexico. There I began the drugs and alcohol, but also began my spiritual journey. I went to every denomination and charismatic church I could find, yet nothing ever happened nor changed me. However, I kept praying for God to show me the way and save me from my sin and agony. After about 2 years of this, I finally began college. A few semesters in I began to hang out with some people who seemed nice and respectable. I thought it would be of my best interest to hang out with people who would influence me in a positive way. One day a Muslim man joined our group and everyone began talking about the Bible. I was intent on listening, thinking I could join in the conversation, but in reality I was still just a helpless sinner. After a few weeks of the bible debates, one of the guys asked me if I was interested in a bible study. Of course I said yes and the next day in the college cafeteria he sat down and began to teach me about baptism. I had been baptized twice before but this time, he was telling me something I’ve never heard before. I was taught that I had to be baptized in Jesus name if I wanted to really be forgiven and have my sins removed from my life. As I said, I had never heard that. It was plain as day because I saw it in the bible. Immediately the conviction of God set in and I knew I wasn't saved. I finally understood why nothing changed in my life, I wasn’t born again according to the scriptures.
After the bible study I went the young mans house and met his father who was the pastor. I told him I wanted to be baptized in Jesus name. After a lengthy discussion he invited me to church the next evening I went and got baptized. It was the most amazing thing I've ever experienced. I felt all my guilt and shame roll off. I finally felt free. The next evening I went to church again because they were in revival, that night God filled me with the Holy Ghost! I never knew anyone could get the Holy Ghost, but I did! I knew I did because I spoke in tongues. That night I was finally born again.
Ever since that night I have endeavored to live for God. I can’t say it’s been easy, but I can say it’s been worth it all! He’s worked out so much guilt and fear from my heart and mind. He’s changed my personality and given me direction and purpose. He’s fully healed my heart literally and spiritually. I feel I am blessed beyond measure! He gave me a life that is free from sin and delivered me from my past and myself. Thank God for all He has done!